Growing Into Horror
I’ve often pondered the question: how does a person fall in love with horror? Even though I am one of those whose heart flutters at the thought of a good horror film, eyes widen when the next console horror release comes out, and most importantly starts digging into a new horror TTRPG that captures what I deem to be good horror.
We will revisit that question later, and perhaps you have an answer you might want to share. A personal one, that allows you to take a moment, think selfishly, and reflect on why you are a horror fanatic. Most of our likes and dislikes in life are born out of our formative years, our developmental years, and our refinement through maturity. I can tell you with an absolute certainty that my initial love of horror came from two sources, the first being my older brother and the second being my granny. Oooo spooky!
My granny was a strict woman, full of love, but strict. She would often correct my pronunciation of words and taught me calligraphy. It was when I would spend the weekend with my granny that I would write, and write, and write. The subject didn’t matter, she would unwaveringly encourage me to write, taking care of narrative form, spelling, and grammar. But it wasn’t long before I realised she loved a good mystery and was superb at solving riddles. I had my first captive (and not so forgiving) audience to write for.
Meanwhile my older brother and I would play as little boys, when we weren’t fighting, and he would insist on being the hero and I would therefore have to play as the villain. If I were to protest at being cast as the maniacal evil doer, I was met with his aggressive enthusiasm, followed swiftly by a dead arm, reinstating that he was meant to be the hero and I should accept my fate as the antagonist in his story. Is this the beginning of a tragic backstory and the birth of a big bad evil guy in the making? No. Well, probably not. In fact it was the birth of my love for the villain, and as a result understanding their place in relation to the hero - they embody an opposition, a challenge, a reason for the hero to exist and undertake their journey. Without opposition, there is no need for a hero, and what makes a good opposition? Conflict! And the horror that conflict can create for the hero to suffer through in seeking resolution.
Ahhhh, but you’re about to tell me that horror doesn’t need a hero, or even a villain, and you’d be right. Especially in the genre of cosmic horror. But it allowed me a lens to look through as my tiny little child brain evolved from Scooby Doo, to Clue, to Agatha Christie, and then got sideswiped as my aforementioned brother uttered the words “I got a pirate video we’re going to watch. It’s called A Nightmare on Elm Street.” The next few weeks my twelve year old self had some rather interesting nightmares, but that’s a deep dive in an entirely different article I will write at some point. Evolving my understanding of what horror could be, and more importantly how it could feel, had a significant impact and I found myself roaming the local library until I happened upon the Point Horror novels - one that I vividly remember was about a left handed baseball playing werewolf called South Paw.
As I moved into my teen years I obsessed my way through the aisles of Blockbuster Video on a nightly basis, using the late fees as my excuse to go back in and start over again. By now I was catching up on decades of horror such as Alien, Hellraiser, and Psycho as my own preference, and then indulging in Predator, Friday the 13th, and Scream with my friends. I was not only in love with the evil doers and their narrative obstacles, but the atmosphere created within the film and the mood it created in the audience. This was where I really grew into horror. The realisation that creating good horror was really quite difficult to do well. I truly began to understand the psychology of horror in an academic sense. At Sixth Form, university, and drama school where the majority of my studies were in acting, Drama & Theatre, and Film Studies, I found joy in manipulating the rising tension and nail biting suspense of characters, scenes, and the audience and at this time I found myself lost in writing plays instead of TTRPGs, and honing my craft for a different market.
Again, you’re probably wondering what mic dropping moment I am going to provide, which spine tingling insight I will offer, or who I will recommend as the font of all evil . . . But we all have our own journey into horror and personal story of how we grew into it, or rather how it grew inside us. There’s an excitement in the fear, a curiosity in the mystery, and a relish in the glorious story telling, beautiful cinematography, and interactive table top experiences I know we all thrive on.
Pulling together a lifetime of being immersed in horror and being able to take on the role of the Keeper, or other such TTRPG game moderator, and lead investigators on their merry way through a scenario of mystery and horror, is an absolute dream. Reading the players faces, listening to the characters, and watching the interplay between them when faced with the obstacle before them is glorious. No two games are ever the same. In this instance, horror is the vehicle for a group of people to experience something so uniquely different from their own lives, role play as a character and lose themselves in a cathartic experience, all in the safety of their own in person home game or online digital game from their own home.
As I have alluded to, I have experienced horror on consoles, at the movies, and with books, but it is the shared experience of role playing that has allowed me to truly and truthfully live the horror experience and I have loved it. So when you look back on how you grew into horror, was it a case of fight, flight, freeze . . . Or fun? I encourage you to ponder on your own journey and think on those experiences that tailored and flavoured your tastes, the same way someone might watch an old home recording of a birthday celebration or holiday and relive fond memories. I have a sneaking suspicion that my own personal love of horror was nurtured through a number of experiences, some already discussed above. Later, when I managed to sneak an old VHS of The Exorcist and other such classics and watch it when my parents were out, the obsession grew. Naturally, in longer stints where I could dive into horror lore of Friday the 13th or The Omen, and revel in the rich shadows of the world, binge watching over a series of nights letting my happy little nightmares take hold. And lastly, losing myself completely with interactive experiences such as console games like Resident Evil, Castlevania, The Last of Us, and my most beloved Silent Hill I soaked up what horror could really feel like.
In turn it was these experiences that helped to flavour my approach to TTRPGs, whether I am running them, playing in them, or writing them. Like a fine wine there are hints of Event Horizon, a blush of Vampire the Masquerade, and a dapple of The Day of the Tryffids lurking in the back of my mind when I write horror TTRPGs and I suppose it’s a case of nature vs nurture, with horror having nurtured my enjoyment in escapism and deep dive into entertainment. So when we find ourselves at the table together, in person or digitally, let’s tap into all of the things that make horror so much fun and get spooky!
T A Newman